Many divorces involve an amicable parting of ways and may remain friends or co-parent partners in raising the family. There may be other situations, however, where it is clear that the marriage needs to end, regardless of what a spouse says about changing their ways or “working it out.” The decision is still difficult, with an incredible amount of change on the horizon, but the decision to leave is ultimately the right one.
Marriage counselors often try to help couples rekindle the romance or relationship, but there are good reasons for calling it quits. Every relationship is different, but some commonly recurring reasons are:
- Physical abuse: There is no better reason to end a marriage than if there is physical abuse. Rather than ending up with a life partner who exudes care, compassion and love, attacks upon the victim’s safety are an immediate dealbreaker.
- Emotional abuse: The scars are invisible to the eye but can be just as painful. Behavior involving name-calling, guilt trips, putdowns, and psychological games makes the marriage an emotional minefield. No one signs up for this when they get married.
- Refusing to address a substance abuse problem: One of the great benefits of marriage is being part of a partnership. The couple can feed off each other and become better versions of themselves. If one partner isn’t contributing or is destroying the family, they need to address the cause. If they refuse to do it, it is time to leave.
- Incapable of love: A particular segment of the population is incapable of genuinely loving someone. It is a character flaw. There is nothing left to do but move on to someone with this capability.
- Passivity: Some couples have distinct chemistry where one seemingly handles all the decisions. It becomes a problem when the other cannot participate in a problem-solving conversation. It also puts a lot of pressure on the spouse making all the decisions.
Is it time for a change?
Most people put off big decisions like divorce, but significant problems like those outlined should prompt spouses to reevaluate. Rather than continue to be stuck in a broken marriage, it may be time to cut your losses and move on.